Never Let Me Go
by courage4klaine
Summary: My name is Blaine Anderson. I was 22 years old when i died. My body is long gone, scattered all over the world... but i'm still here. I cant leave... not yet. not without him. Not without my kurt
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey guys. This idea came to me a few days back and i just had to write it. I hope you all like it and please take the small time to review and let me know what you think, if you have any tips on how i could improve it, or just comments :)**_

When I wake up everything is blurred and feels somewhat different, and I swear I can feel my heart beating at a mile a minute, like I suffered a bad dream. And I had.

I'd been sick, very sick, and I remember Kurt, my sweet Kurt crying. I'd been so heart broken and I'd held his hand and just cried with him until everything went black and I woke up.

Except… this isn't waking up.

I'm sitting on something soft, a chair… yes a chair. I move slightly and try to blink my vision into existence but it doesn't work. I shuffle slightly and I can feel a certain fabric brush against my leg and I frown.

I'm sure I was wearing pyjama's, so why am I now in jeans, a plain t-shirt and wonderfully cosy jacket?

I manage to come up with one theory, I'm still dreaming.

My vision slowly starts to return so I stand, regain my balance, which is weird as I feel lighter than usual, and I take a step forward, and look around.

I am in a hospital room.

The walls are painted a solid white and it smells oddly like mine and Kurt's bedroom back at our apartment, but this thought only lingers for a moment until I see who's in the hospital bed.

At first I think I'm losing my mind, but then I remember this is a dream, so I step forward and peer over the covers and I take in a large breath.

It's me.

I'm just lying there, UN moving, eyes closed and a whole lot of wires running in and out of me. My skin is paler than it should be and my chest is not rising and falling.

I am dead.

"Bullshit" I whisper to myself and I move forward to have a closer look. This was some vivid dream because I can smell the cologne on dead me that Kurt had bought for my twenty second birthday. I wore it everyday, and also now apparently. I reach out and poke my dead self, because I feel curious and this is a dream, and I can do that… only I cant. My finger goes straight through the body and I can feel flesh and…. Oh dear lord… was that bone?

I quickly retract my hand and look around for something to wipe my finger on, but there is nothing. I decide to wipe it on my jacket, a move that if Kurt saw, he would surely kill me, which I think would be useless considering I would have died, again.

I'm about to go and sit back in the chair and attempt to wake up as I feel like I need a coffee and a bagel, but just as I move the door flies open and Kurt walks in, and its his sight that causes me to really feel heartbroken.

His eyes, his sweet glasz eyes that I love, are red and puffy. He's been crying. His skin is blotchy and paler than usual, his hair a wild mess, which I think really suits him, but not in this situation. He sort of stands there for a moment… just looking at dead me, and I realise he's seen it before.

" We'll have him cleaned up and moved shortly."

The voice that I hear does not belong to Kurt. A doctor walks in behind him, a tall man with wispy blonde hair and unnatural green eyes, and for a moment I recognise him. He's my doctor! Doctor Waters! He's been seeing me ever since I started having chest pains a year back. Of course I was fine now, but it was only natural that he should play the doctor in my dream.

Kurt nods slowly and simply, like he isn't even listening, his eyes on dead me.

" Oh baby, don't cry" I whisper and I move forward to envelope him in a hug when he moves swiftly and sits on a plastic chair next to the bed, his hands lingering on the sheets.

" Can I have a moment? I need to… call his brother." Kurt swallows and I can hear his voice cracking in every word he manages to get out.

" Of course" Doctor Waters leaves and he shuts the door slowly behind him, my attention now fully on Kurt. He sits there for a moment, back straight, head held high… then he crumbles. He slumps down and his head hits the mattress, his shoulders shaking uncontrollably as he cries. His sobs tear through me like a cold sharp knife and I find that I can't even move.

Kurt lifts his head slightly and I can see the utter devastation on his face. This is killing him.

He reaches out and takes my cold dead hand in his own and gives it a small squeeze.

" I'll never say goodbye to you Blaine. I…I just can't," he sobs and I move forward, hugging my Kurt, but I can't. My hands slide right through him and I pull back immediately as he shivers.

I can feel my throat tighten as I look around.

Why can't I touch people? Or things?

I step back and this time I really look at the room.

In the corner there is a small stand, which holds a huge vase of multi coloured roses, a small note sitting beside it. I recognise the writing straightaway.

It's Rachel's.

I shake my head and look to the other side of the room, noticing for the first time a pair of jeans and a t-shirt sitting on the table. Next to them lies a wonderfully cosy looking deep blue jacket and I look down and I almost scream.

It's exactly what I'm wearing.

" Wake up Blaine, wake up!" I hiss to myself and I cant help but pinch my arm, hard.

The pain shoots right through me and I cry out.

Kurt does not move a muscle.

He can't hear me. He can't see me.

" Kurt!" I call out and he doesn't even flinch.

Its like I'm a ghost to him…. Then it hits me.

I know this room because I've been stuck in it 24 hours a day for the past three weeks. I know this hospital because I've been here to many times to count. I know Doctor Walters because he's been my doctor for the past year… ever since I had my chest pains. Ever since I found out I had trouble with my lungs… ever since I found out about the cancer that had been slowly and silently spreading through my body until there was too much of it to remove.

I had been a ticking time bomb, I had been dying.

And now I was dead.

" No… No!" I cry and I race toward the door, running right through it out into the hallway.

There are doctors everywhere. People are being wheeled places; others just sitting around waiting for someone, there are far to many people jammed in this hallway. I looked around and crash into someone, and I don't go through them.

" Watch out sonny!" the old man cried and I stare at him in shock.

" You can see me?" I ask and he gives me a glance and a small smile forms on his lips.

" You're new," he says simply and I swallow.

" New… no… I need to wake up…"

" Listen hear sonny, I'll tell it to you straight. I've been trying to wake up for the past 15 years. It don't work. Because we aint asleep." He tapped my head and I blinked.

" But I…"

" You'll get used to it. Some move on quicker than others, some don't have anything to stay for. Now if you'll excuse me, my wife just passed away in room 11 and I need to get to her. Its been 15 years, we need to catch up" he patted my shoulder and carried on down the hall, leaving me to just stand there like a fool, thoughts racing through my mind.

After a minute I could only say one thing.

" I'm dead."


	2. Chapter 2

I think I zone out for quite some time, though for how long I'm not quite sure. I make my way back to the room and find that Kurt isn't there, but other people are, and they're now moving my body.

I want to yell at them to stop, I want to pull them away and let me try to somehow revive myself, but I know it cant be done, so I just sit in the chair and wait.

They wheel my body away eventually and I feel a sort of tug, but I stay put and it soon fades away.

I'm in the room, all by myself and I cant help but feel like this… this was it. I was going to be here, in this chair, for the rest of my… what ever this was.

I just sit here and let my thoughts fly away with me.

What was going to happen to my family? My friends? How would they react? What was going to happen to Kurt? To my Kurt? Would he move on?

" No!" I cry and I realize my last thought hurt me the most. How could Kurt move on? How could I move on? Of course I'd want him to be happy… but I'd always thought it would be with me.

I'd always had a vision of us growing old together, having one or two kids, a dog… a nice house.

I sniff and realize I am crying. I reach up and touch my face, the skin feeling like silk, the tears like a cool rush of the ocean. My fingertips tingle at the contact and I take a breath.

This was going to take some getting used to. I am about to get up and figure out what to do when the door opens and Kurt walks in. His eyes are still red, his jacket and scarf now on.

I watch as he walks around the room collecting little bits and pieces that made this place feel slightly like home. I can't help but stare at his gentle movements, his head held high.

" You're so strong Kurt" I whisper, though why I bother I don't know. He can't hear me either way. He collects the flowers and Rachel's note, pocketing it as he picks up the bag from under the bed. I can almost see him breaking apart inside as he packs the clothes from the table, his peach lips trembling. I want so desperately to reach out to him and pull him into a strong embrace. I want so badly to just kiss him and tell him I'm here, I'm still here… I'm still his.

I wipe away my tears and follow Kurt as he moves toward the door, not looking back as he walks out into the hall. I take a moment to look around the now plain room and I bite my lip, taking a breath before I follow after Kurt.

" I think I'm just going to go home."

Kurt is talking to Doctor Waters and I can still hear the sadness in his sweet voice.

" Of course. We may need you to answer a few questions, will I be able to call you?" Waters asks and Kurt nods before he receives a small hug from the doctor.

For a moment I envy that man, he can touch my Kurt. He can feel his warmth, I can't. Kurt smiles weakly and moves on down the hall, his feet moving fast along the floor. I dodge around people and… others, not knowing who is who, my eyes on Kurt the entire time.

I wonder if I'll be able to leave the hospital.

Was I still somehow tied to my body?

" This is so messed up," I breathe as I see Kurt start to slowly crumble again, his head lowering as he reaches the doors to the car park. I hurry after him and manage to slip through the door just after him, the wind hitting me hard.

At first I think I've stepped into ice, but after a moment the feeling dies down and I'm able to move once more, Kurt already far ahead of me.

I'd forgotten how fast he could walk so I ran to catch up to him, a silent tear falling down his pale cheek.

" Please don't cry," I say to him but of course I may as well be talking to my self.

I follow him to our car and he throws the things into the back and climbs in the front, slamming the door. I somehow slide through the metal, which feels so very odd, and I sit in the passenger seat, going to buckle my seat belt when my fingers slip through it.

"I'm dead anyway" I mutter and I start to wonder why I haven't yet slipped through the chair and hit the car park floor, but I don't bother dwelling on it because quite frankly I don't care.

Kurt starts to reverse and I knew that if he could hear me, I would never let him drive like this, but he seems to be keeping it together. He turns on the radio and hums along with songs he barely knows, tapping the steering wheel as we reach lights, swallowing when he has to wait to long. I can see him forcing back the tears and it breaks my heart. Someone so beautiful should never be allowed to cry. They should never be allowed to feel this god-awful pain, but he does.

He flicks the station over and a song I recognize is on.

' I'm here without you baby, but your still on my lonely mind'

Kurt flicks the channel over and it's the next song that hits him hard.

' You make me fell like I've living a teenage dream!'

He shuts it off with a bang and he swerves the car over to the side of the street, cars beeping at him as he does.

" Kurt, don't!" I cry as he turns off the engine and lets his head slump onto the steering wheel, shaking as he cries. I would give anything to reach out and hug him, to kiss his cheek, tell it will get better.

I can feel myself cry as I watch him, knowing there is absolutely nothing I can do to help.

" I miss you so much!" he cried to no one and I choke on my breath, my chest tightening.

" I miss you too," I breathe and Kurt sniffles and wipes his eyes, his phone buzzing in his pocket. He pulls it out and glances at it and I see one name.

Rachel.

He ignores it and starts up the engine again, driving silently the rest of the way.

" You know she'll be there right?" I say, looking to my right and Kurt seems to sigh.

" She's going to be there isn't she" he huffs and I let out a small chuckle. He pulls up and cuts the engine, Rachel's car already outside. I follow him out of the car and walk as close as I can to him, wanting nothing more than to take his hand and give it a small squeeze, so I do. Except I go right through him and once again, he gives a small shiver and I frown.

" Can you feel me?" I ask and of course I get no response.

We walk up the many flights of stairs and when we reach our door it bursts open and a crying Rachel is standing there, her make up running, shirt tear stained and she simply pulls Kurt inside and hugs him.

Its what he needed because the moment he feels the soft arms around him he breaks down and sobs into the girls shoulder, mumbling things I can't make out.

I watch the pair for a moment before I walk forward and gently brush my hand across his cheek and I place my lips to Rachel's hair.

She's one of my closest friends and I know she's hurting too.

I look up at our apartment and it's exactly how it should be. Tidy, big, beautiful. It seems Kurt kept it in good shape while I was away. I wonder over to the couch and sit down, Rachel pulling away from Kurt to fix his hair.

" I'm so sorry Kurt" she kisses his cheek and Kurt wipes away his tears and takes a breath.

" We all knew it was happening… I just didn't think it would be so soon." He mumbles and Rachel sits him down beside me while she grabs the ice cream from the freezer and two large spoons.

" Now, I know Blaine would kill us if he found out we were eating this without him, but I think he's make an exception today" Rachel smiled sweetly as she hands Kurt a spoon, sitting cross legged on the couch. Kurt nods once and gently takes some ice-cream from the tub, bringing it to his lips before he starts to sob again, and dumps the spoon in the tub before he stands up and runs out of the room, Rachel taking a small breath.

"Blaine…" she sighs before she stands and puts the ice cream back in the freezer. I stand and walk over to the girl who now has both hands on the kitchen bench, her hair falling into her eyes as she cries silently.

" Rachel, you need to be strong… for Kurt" I reach out to gently rub her back, put I barely touch her as not to go right through the girl. She takes a few moments compose herself before she heads toward the bedroom where Kurt surely is.

I return to my seat on the couch and simply wait.

Rachel and Kurt eventually emerge and Rachel kisses him goodbye and promises she'll be back tomorrow with Finn and she'll bring some food and a few good movies and they can relax.

Kurt gets a call from Cooper, who says he'll be on the next plane home. He also gets a call from Burt that lasts an hour before Kurt says he's tired and he'll go to bed. He hangs up and sits down on the couch, hugs his knees to his chest, letting his chin rest on them.

" Its just so hard" he breathes and I remain silent. There's nothing I can say. It is hard, and my guess is it's going to get even harder.

About and hour passes and Kurt is still sitting there, just staring at the wall. I follow his gaze and I realise he isn't staring at the wall, but a photo. I look closer and I realize it's a photo of us when we were in Hawaii two years ago. I was grinning like a prize fool with my sunglasses atop of my messy curls and Kurt was kissing my cheek whilst smiling, his arms wound tightly around my waist. I sigh and see Kurt's phone light up and so does he.

" Hello?" he asks and his face changes to one of confusion.

" Oh… um… we didn't really talk about it but… I think he wanted to be… yes. Yes that's probably right… thank you… bye." He hangs up and throws the phone down, gets up and moves toward the kitchen. He's changed from his jeans and shirt to one of my baggy shirts and a pair of my track pants. He opens up the freezer and carefully pulls out the ice-cream tub and two spoons.

" Caramel fudge. Very fatty and very delicious" he smiles weakly as he returns to where he was sat, placing the spoon on the chair where I sit.

" Dig in" he whispers as he takes a spoon full of ice cream and eats it, his cheeks red. I smile and can't help but love him even more.

Because this is just typical Kurt, and I love him.

I know that's the one thing that will never change.

But I don't know if that will change for him.


End file.
